Setting Realistic Expectations
What expectations do you have of yourself as a mother? If you’re unsure, a good way to figure this out is to take note of what you are focused on improving or the areas that you feel like you fall short in relation to your child. My expectations of myself as a mother were many and greatly unrealistic. I didn’t realize this until COVID-19 hit the US causing a shelter-in-place order, and I was living and working in the midst of my children. This was with my husband, a helper, and a great schedule for my three under 5 that we all follow.
“When any real progress is made, we unlearn and learn anew what we thought we knew before.” -Henry David Thoreau
When you become a mother, you do not stop being the woman you were previously. We know this, but do we show this? I am a firm believer that you evolve throughout life especially after significant life changes (i.e. having a baby). This is why I don’t strive for or glorify postpartum snap back status. Busola as a mom in the midst of her children is rarely on her phone, would rarely have the TV on, and would rarely pour an adult beverage for herself. Busola 2.0?!? Oh, her children not only see her living life but are living life with her.
They witness me working as a clinical pharmacist, worshiping God, practicing yoga, drinking a glass of wine, talking with friends when I am brave enough to answer my phone with them jumping all over me, and planning my next social media post in addition to all the things they are used to seeing me do as their mother. My children are getting to know who I am and what I do everyday. This is quite foreign to me as a Nigerian American. I did not have the privilege of knowing my parents’ first names until I could read the mail!
Clinical Pearl: Your child should know your first name and be able to say his last name by the age he is able to spell his first name. Start memorizing your address and begin discussing your emergency action plan (i.e. how to respond to possible emergencies where you live, learn, work, and play, which may currently all be the same place now). Update it as those places change.
It is important to acknowledge that there are past traditions and culture that need to be unlearned, but that’s a whole TED Talks in itself. I’m sharing an opportunity to learn and put into practice some effective tools for becoming more balanced with a virtual workshop for the working mom on August 22, 2020 at 12pm EST.
